Why: The Heart? – Part 2

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabaraktuh.

Bismillah hir Rahman nir Rahim. In The Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

(please read part 1 first)

Initially, the plan was to write Part 1 on Friday, settle my problems during the weekend and then write Part 2 by Sunday. All went by the plan except for the ‘settling my problem’ part. The ~3 days allocated for it was insufficient. In the whole, I can say that it took me about two whole weeks to settle it. Alhamdulillah, now, my heart is much more relaxed.

A little on my worry and anxiety. I am currently on my ~ three months summer holiday, and during these times, students like me have almost nothing to do. With nothing keeping the mind occupied, it wanders a lot. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop’. This piece of wisdom proved to be true in the following days. It wanders and wanders, most of the time on stupid stuff. When I say stupid, I mean total crap with no basis whatsoever.

My mind then became filled with worries and anxieties. I could feel my heart palpitating most of the time, the intermittent rush of adrenaline and foolish thoughts clouded my mind. This started on the 15^th January. From that day onwards, the anxieties kept on getting worse while the ‘questions’ kept on getting more foolish yet more convincing.

The human mind is wonderful and crucial, but when it follows the devil’s way, it has an adverse effect. It is strange how I could come to believe the devil’s word and become convinced of the foolish thoughts.

The thoughts; my life has no purpose, I am doing everything the wrong way, I am neglecting my responsibilities, I shouldn’t go shopping as it is wasting time, I shouldn’t live in comfort as others are suffering, there is no fun in my life (nothing to look forward to), am I on the right track, is this right and such. One great trick that I was played upon what that, doubts regarding my responsibilities towards Allah began to emerge. I was with the thought that I am not doing what I was supposed to do. The only door for my salvation seemed closed at that point. It was getting very hard to concentrate on prayers, almost impossible to relax or have fun, and my face starts to show the war of thoughts that were occurring in my mind. My heart was restless.

At this point, I tried to look for answers to each of my question. Surfing the net and pondering for hours. It seems that as I answer one question, new ones keep popping up. I was anxious most of the time. It kept on getting worse for a few days. At times I feel like letting go, succumb to the pressure and admit failure. In the morning, I won’t want to wake up. Wished I could sleep forever, Haha. Well, the five wajib prayers were crucial in keeping me going. Though my concentration was disturbed, the prayers still proved to be beneficial.

Verily, the help of Allah is (always) near!
(Excerpt from verse 214, Al Baqarah)

On the 26^th January, help came. Alhamdulillah. The answer to my problem was right in front of my eyes, yet I missed it. I followed my dad to a zikr. It was just a group of people sitting down and remembering Allah. After the zikr, there were short talks. The zikr provided me with peace, while the talk revealed that my ‘thoughts’ were the work of the devil. One of the avenues of the devil is to plant the seed of doubt (was-was) in our heart. Make us worry and lose our way. Lose concentration in prayers, lose the will to make ibadah, fill our heart with worry and make us sad, depressed, anxious and ‘down’. "Don't entertain your foolish thoughts", I say to myself.

The zikr is the essence of peace in heart. But, this requires faith and action. Just the knowledge (faith), without action won’t give much benefit. Performing the zikr, the remembrance of Allah is crucial. InsyaAllah. I pray that Allah inspires me and everyone with the beauty of zikr.

Again, all these research is for me to correct myself and if possible to inspire others too. The following excerpt of the Quranic verses shall end my post, insyaAllah, Part 3 will feature more beautiful verses and if possible, some stories too.

Have no fear, for Allah is with us
(Excerpt from verse 40, At-Taubah)

It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein.
(Verse 16, Surah Qaf)

-Wallahu a'lam-
Allah knows best